HARVEY WEINSTEIN WAS a passionate cinephile, a risk taker, a patron of talent in film, a loving father and a monster.
哈维·韦恩斯坦(Harvey Weinstein)是一个充满热情的电影狂人,一个冒险家,一个电影才俊的资助人,一个慈爱的父亲,也是一个恶魔。
For years, he was my monster.
在很长一段时间里,他就是我的恶魔。
This fall, I was approached by reporters, through different sources, including my dear friend Ashley Judd, to speak about an episode in my life that, although painful, I thought I had made peace with.
今年秋天,记者通过不同的渠道,包括和我关系亲近的朋友艾什莉·贾德(Ashley Judd)找到我,让我谈谈我生命中的这个片段,它虽然痛苦,但我自认为已经能平静对待。
I had brainwashed myself into thinking that it was over and that I had survived; I hid from the responsibility to speak out with the excuse that enough people were already involved in shining a light on my monster. I didn’t consider my voice important, nor did I think it would make a difference.
我曾经给自己洗脑,让自己觉得这件事已经结束了,我熬过来了;我借口说揭发恶魔这件事已经有足够多的人参与进来,由此逃避发声的责任。我认为我的声音不重要,也不会带来什么改变。
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In reality, I was trying to save myself the challenge of explaining several things to my loved ones: Why, when I had casually mentioned that I had been bullied like many others by Harvey, I had excluded a couple of details. And why, for so many years, we have been cordial to a man who hurt me so deeply. I had been proud of my capacity for forgiveness, but the mere fact that I was ashamed to describe the details of what I had forgiven made me wonder if that chapter of my life had really been resolved.
实际上,我是想为自己免去向亲人解释几件事的挑战:为什么当我不经意地提到我和其他很多人一样,曾遭哈维霸凌时,我没有说出一些细节。以及为什么这么多年来,我们一直对一个伤害我如此之深的人热情友好。我曾为自己宽恕的气量而感到自豪,但事实不过是我羞于描述那些已经被我遗忘的细节。这让我怀疑,我生命中的那个篇章是否真的翻过去了。
When so many women came forward to describe what Harvey had done to them, I had to confront my cowardice and humbly accept that my story, as important as it was to me, was nothing but a drop in an ocean of sorrow and confusion. I felt that by now nobody would care about my pain — maybe this was an effect of the many times I was told, especially by Harvey, that I was nobody.
当这么多女性站出来描述哈维对她们做过什么时,我不得不正视自己的怯懦,并低头接受一点,即我的故事虽然对我很重要,但它不过是悲伤和困惑的海洋里的一个水滴。我以为到现在,没有人会在乎我的痛苦。这也许是因为我多次听到别人,尤其是哈维,说我什么都不是。
We are finally becoming conscious of a vice that has been socially accepted and has insulted and humiliated millions of girls like me, for in every woman there is a girl. I am inspired by those who had the courage to speak out, especially in a society that elected a president who has been accused of sexual harassment and assault by more than a dozen women and whom we have all heard make a statement about how a man in power can do anything he wants to women.
我们终于意识到了一种已经被社会接受的恶。它侮辱和羞辱了无数像我一样的女孩,因为每个女性心里都有一个女孩。那些有勇气说出来的人鼓舞了我,尤其是在这样一个社会里——它选出了一个被十多名女性指控性骚扰和性侵犯的人作总统,并且我们都听到,他说有权势的男性可以对女性为所欲为。
Well, not anymore.
不会再这样下去了。
In the 14 years that I stumbled from schoolgirl to Mexican soap star to an extra in a few American films to catching a couple of lucky breaks in “Desperado” and “Fools Rush In,” Harvey Weinstein had become the wizard of a new wave of cinema that took original content into the mainstream. At the same time, it was unimaginable for a Mexican actress to aspire to a place in Hollywood. And even though I had proven them wrong, I was still a nobody.
从学生到墨西哥肥皂剧明星到几部美国电影里的临时演员再到有机会参演《亡命之徒》(Desperado)和《傻爱成真》(Fools Rush In),这跌跌撞撞的14年里,哈维·韦恩斯坦成了一股让原创内容成为主流的电影潮流中的魔法师。与此同时,一名墨西哥女演员在好莱坞谋求一席之地是不可想象的。尽管我已经证明他们错了,但我依然什么都不是。
One of the forces that gave me the determination to pursue my career was the story of Frida Kahlo, who in the golden age of the Mexican muralists would do small intimate paintings that everybody looked down on. She had the courage to express herself while disregarding skepticism. My greatest ambition was to tell her story. It became my mission to portray the life of this extraordinary artist and to show my native Mexico in a way that combated stereotypes.
让我决心追求事业的力量之一是弗里达·卡罗(Frida Kahlo)的故事。在墨西哥壁画的黄金时代,她愿意画谁都看不起的那种亲密的小画。她有勇气在不理会质疑的同时表达自己。我最大的志向就是讲述她的故事。描绘这位非凡艺术家的生平,并以打破成见的方式展示我的祖国墨西哥,成了我的使命。
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The Weinstein empire, which was then Miramax, had become synonymous with quality, sophistication and risk taking — a haven for artists who were complex and defiant. It was everything that Frida was to me and everything I aspired to be.
韦恩斯坦帝国,即当时的米拉麦克斯(Miramax),成了品质、精良和勇于冒险的同义词,是复杂、叛逆的艺术工作者的港湾。它们正是我眼中弗里达所拥有的,也是我渴望具备的特征。
I had started a journey to produce the film with a different company, but I fought to get it back to take it to Harvey.
我已经开始了和另一家公司合作拍片的旅程,但后来,我奋力把它收回,交给了哈维。
I knew him a little bit through my relationship with the director Robert Rodriguez and the producer Elizabeth Avellan, who was then his wife, with whom I had done several films and who had taken me under their wing. All I knew of Harvey at the time was that he had a remarkable intellect, he was a loyal friend and a family man.
我通过与导演罗伯托·罗德里格斯(Roberto Rodriguez)和他当时的妻子、制片人伊丽莎白·阿韦兰(Elizabeth Avellan)的关系,对哈维有些许了解。我和这对夫妇合作过几部电影,他们把我带进了他们的圈子。当时对于哈维,我只知道他充满智慧,是一个忠于朋友和家庭的男人。
Knowing what I know now, I wonder if it wasn’t my friendship with them — and Quentin Tarantino and George Clooney — that saved me from being raped.
按我现在的了解,我怀疑是否是由于我和他们——以及和昆汀·塔伦蒂诺(Quentin Tarantino)、乔治·克鲁尼(George Clooney)——的友谊才使我免遭强奸。
The deal we made initially was that Harvey would pay for the rights of work I had already developed. As an actress, I would be paid the minimum Screen Actors Guild scale plus 10 percent. As a producer, I would receive a credit that would not yet be defined, but no payment, which was not that rare for a female producer in the ’90s. He also demanded a signed deal for me to do several other films with Miramax, which I thought would cement my status as a leading lady.
我们最初的协定是哈维向我支付已经完成的作品的版权费用。作为一名女演员,我将获得的是美国演员工会(Screen Actors Guild)最低薪资再加10%的报酬。作为制片人,我会得到一个还没有确定是什么的职衔,但没有酬劳。这对于90年代的女制片人来说并不少见。他还要求我签署了一个与米拉麦克斯影业另拍几部电影的协议,我以为这会奠定我女主角的地位。
I did not care about the money; I was so excited to work with him and that company. In my naïveté, I thought my dream had come true. He had validated the last 14 years of my life. He had taken a chance on me — a nobody. He had said yes.
我不在乎钱。能与他和这个公司一起合作我已经非常激动了。我天真的以为,自己梦想成真了。他认可了我生命中那之前的14年。他也给了我——这个无名之辈——一次机会。他同意了。
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Little did I know it would become my turn to say no.
我没有想到的是,后来会变成我对他说“不”。
No to opening the door to him at all hours of the night, hotel after hotel, location after location, where he would show up unexpectedly, including one location where I was doing a movie he wasn’t even involved with.
对他晚上任何时候来敲门都要说不,一家家酒店,一个个地点,甚至还包括一个他都没有参与的电影拍摄地点,他都会突然地出现。
No to me taking a shower with him.
No to letting him watch me take a shower.
对与他一起洗澡说不。对允许他看我洗澡说不。
No to letting him give me a massage.
对允许他给我按摩说不。
No to letting a naked friend of his give me a massage.
对允许他赤身裸体的朋友给我按摩说不。
No to letting him give me oral sex.
对允许他给我口交说不。
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No to my getting naked with another woman.
对让我与另一个女人一起脱掉衣服说不。
No, no, no, no, no …
不,不,不,不,不……
And with every refusal came Harvey’s Machiavellian rage.
每一次拒绝,随之而来的都是他马基雅维利式的愤怒。
I don’t think he hated anything more than the word “no.” The absurdity of his demands went from getting a furious call in the middle of the night asking me to fire my agent for a fight he was having with him about a different movie with a different client to physically dragging me out of the opening gala of the Venice Film Festival, which was in honor of “Frida,” so I could hang out at his private party with him and some women I thought were models but I was told later were high-priced prostitutes.
我想,他没有什么比“不”这个词更憎恨的东西了。他荒谬的要求可以是半夜给我打来一个暴怒的电话,要我炒掉我的经纪人,因为他们对另一个客户的另一部电影起了争执,也可以是在威尼斯电影节上动手把我拽出了致敬《弗里达》(Frida)的开幕仪式,只为了让我与他参加他的私人派对,派对上还有一些我本以为是模特的女人,后来我才得知她们都是高级妓女。
The range of his persuasion tactics went from sweet-talking me to that one time when, in an attack of fury, he said the terrifying words, “I will kill you, don’t think I can’t.”
他的说服手段可以是甜言蜜语,也可以像那次在愤怒的攻击中说一些可怕的话,“我会杀了你,你别以为我做不到。”
When he was finally convinced that I was not going to earn the movie the way he had expected, he told me he had offered my role and my script with my years of research to another actress.
当他最终相信我不会以他期望的那种方式争取这部电影后,他告诉我,他已经把我的角色以及我研究多年的剧本给了另一个女演员。
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In his eyes, I was not an artist. I wasn’t even a person. I was a thing: not a nobody, but a body.
在他眼中,我不是一个艺人,我甚至不是一个人,而是一件物品:我并非什么都不是,我是一具躯体。
At that point, I had to resort to using lawyers, not by pursuing a sexual harassment case, but by claiming “bad faith,” as I had worked so hard on a movie that he was not intending to make or sell back to me. I tried to get it out of his company.
到了这一步,我只能寻求律师的帮助,我没有将其起诉为一起性骚扰案件,而是指控为一起“恶意”案件,因为我在这一部电影上花费了大量心血,而他从未有过拍摄或卖给我的打算。我试着将电影从他的公司里拿出来。
He claimed that my name as an actress was not big enough and that I was incompetent as a producer, but to clear himself legally, as I understood it, he gave me a list of impossible tasks with a tight deadline:
他声称,作为一个女演员,我的名气不够大,并且我不是一个合格的制片人。但他给了我一张不可能完成的、期限紧迫的任务清单,在我看来,这是他为了摆脱法律责任。
1. Get a rewrite of the script, with no additional payment.
1. 重写剧本,且无额外报酬。
2. Raise $10 million to finance the film.
2. 筹集1000万美元制作资金。
3. Attach an A-list director.
3. 请到一位顶尖导演。
4. Cast four of the smaller roles with prominent actors.
4. 为四个较小的角色选用著名演员。
Much to everyone’s amazement, not least my own, I delivered, thanks to a phalanx of angels who came to my rescue, including Edward Norton, who beautifully rewrote the script several times and appallingly never got credit, and my friend Margaret Perenchio, a first-time producer, who put up the money. The brilliant Julie Taymor agreed to direct, and from then on she became my rock. For the other roles, I recruited my friends Antonio Banderas, Edward Norton and my dear Ashley Judd. To this day, I don’t know how I convinced Geoffrey Rush, whom I barely knew at the time.
令很多人——尤其是令我自己——十分惊讶的是,我做到了。这要归功于这群前来拯救我的天使。其中包括数次重写出精彩剧本、却遗憾地从未署名的爱德华·诺顿(Edward Norton),还要感谢我的朋友、首次担任制作人的玛格丽特·佩兰琪奥(Margaret Perenchio)提供了资金。还能有才华横溢的茱莉·泰莫(Julie Taymor)同意执导,从那以后她就成了我的坚强后盾。其他的角色,我召集了我的朋友安东尼奥·班德拉斯(Antonio Banderas)、爱德华·诺顿,和我亲爱的艾什莉·贾德。直到今天,我都不知道自己是如何说服杰弗里·拉什(Geoffrey Rush)的,当时我们几乎还不认识。
Now Harvey Weinstein was not only rejected but also about to do a movie he did not want to do.
现在,哈维·韦恩斯坦不仅受挫,还要拍一部他不想拍的电影。
Ironically, once we started filming, the sexual harassment stopped but the rage escalated. We paid the price for standing up to him nearly every day of shooting. Once, in an interview he said Julie and I were the biggest ball busters he had ever encountered, which we took as a compliment.
讽刺的是,在我们开拍后,性骚扰就停止了,但愤怒在累加。几乎在每天的拍摄中我们都要为反抗哈维而付出代价。有一次,在一个采访中,他说我和茱莉是他见过的最狠的母老虎,我们就当作是称赞了。
Halfway through shooting, Harvey turned up on set and complained about Frida’s “unibrow.” He insisted that I eliminate the limp and berated my performance. Then he asked everyone in the room to step out except for me. He told me that the only thing I had going for me was my sex appeal and that there was none of that in this movie. So he told me he was going to shut down the film because no one would want to see me in that role.
拍到一半时,哈维出现在片场,他抱怨弗里达的“一字眉”。他坚决要求我去掉弗里达瘸着走路的特点,还痛斥了我的表演。然后,他让房间里的人都出去,除了我。他对我说,我唯一有价值的就是性感,而那部电影毫无性吸引力。所以他对我说,他要停拍那部电影,因为没人想看我演那个角色。
It was soul crushing because, I confess, lost in the fog of a sort of Stockholm syndrome, I wanted him to see me as an artist: not only as a capable actress but also as somebody who could identify a compelling story and had the vision to tell it in an original way.
这对我来说是沉重的打击,因为我承认,我迷失在斯德哥尔摩综合症的迷雾中,想让他把我当成艺术家:不仅是一个出色的女演员,还是一个能找出引人入胜的故事、能用新颖的方式讲述它的人。
I was hoping he would acknowledge me as a producer, who on top of delivering his list of demands shepherded the script and obtained the permits to use the paintings. I had negotiated with the Mexican government, and with whomever I had to, to get locations that had never been given to anyone in the past — including Frida Kahlo’s houses and the murals of Kahlo’s husband, Diego Rivera, among others.
当时,我一直希望他会承认我是一个制片人,除了能完成他的要求,还能主导剧本,获得使用那些油画的授权。我与墨西哥政府协商,与所有必要的人协商,得以在之前没有任何人用过的地方拍摄,包括弗里达·卡罗故居以及卡罗的丈夫迭戈·里韦拉(Diego Rivera)的壁画。
But all of this seemed to have no value. The only thing he noticed was that I was not sexy in the movie. He made me doubt if I was any good as an actress, but he never succeeded in making me think that the film was not worth making.
不过,所有这些似乎毫无价值。他唯一注意到的就是,我在这部电影里不性感。他让我怀疑自己能否称得上是一个演员,但他从未能够让我相信这部电影不值得拍。
He offered me one option to continue. He would let me finish the film if I agreed to do a sex scene with another woman. And he demanded full-frontal nudity.
他提出了一个继续拍摄的条件。如果我同意和另一个女人拍一场做爱的戏,他就会让我拍完那部电影。他要求正面全裸。
He had been constantly asking for more skin, for more sex. Once before, Julie Taymor got him to settle for a tango ending in a kiss instead of the lovemaking scene he wanted us to shoot between the character Tina Modotti, played by Ashley Judd, and Frida.
之前他就一直要求更暴露一点,性爱场面多一点。之前有一次,他想让艾什莉·贾德饰演的蒂娜·莫多蒂(Tina Modotti)和弗里达在跳完探戈之后做爱,朱莉·泰穆尔最终说服他以一个吻代替。
But this time, it was clear to me he would never let me finish this movie without him having his fantasy one way or another. There was no room for negotiation.
但这一次,我很清楚,如果我不通过某种方式满足他的性幻想,他永远不会让我拍完这部电影。没有谈判的余地。
I had to say yes. By now so many years of my life had gone into this film. We were about five weeks into shooting, and I had convinced so many talented people to participate. How could I let their magnificent work go to waste?
我只能同意。到那时,我已经在那部电影上投入了很多年时间。我们已经拍了大约五个星期,我说服了那么多有才华的人参加。我怎么能浪费掉他们的杰出工作?
I had asked for so many favors, I felt an immense pressure to deliver and a deep sense of gratitude for all those who did believe in me and followed me into this madness. So I agreed to do the senseless scene.
我请了那么多人帮忙,我感受到交出作品的巨大压力,以及对所有相信我并追随我做这件疯狂的事的人的感激之情。所以我同意去拍那场毫无意义的戏。
I arrived on the set the day we were to shoot the scene that I believed would save the movie. And for the first and last time in my career, I had a nervous breakdown: My body began to shake uncontrollably, my breath was short and I began to cry and cry, unable to stop, as if I were throwing up tears.
那天,我到了片场,去拍那场我认为能拯救那部电影的戏。在我的职业生涯中,我第一次也是最后一次,精神崩溃了:我的身体开始不由自主地颤抖,呼吸急促,我哭啊哭啊,停不下来,好像在往外吐眼泪。
Since those around me had no knowledge of my history of Harvey, they were very surprised by my struggle that morning. It was not because I would be naked with another woman. It was because I would be naked with her for Harvey Weinstein. But I could not tell them then.
由于周围的人都不知道我和哈维之前发生的事,所以他们对我那天上午的挣扎感到非常惊讶。不是因为我要和另一个女人裸体相对。而是因为,是哈维·韦恩斯坦导致我和她不得不裸体出镜。但那时,我不能对他们说出这些。
My mind understood that I had to do it, but my body wouldn’t stop crying and convulsing. At that point, I started throwing up while a set frozen still waited to shoot. I had to take a tranquilizer, which eventually stopped the crying but made the vomiting worse. As you can imagine, this was not sexy, but it was the only way I could get through the scene.
我心里知道自己必须这么做,但我的身体不停地哭泣和抽搐。等待拍摄一组静态剧照时,我一度开始呕吐。我只好服用镇静剂,它最终止住了我的哭泣,但却加重了呕吐。所以你可以想像,这并不性感,但那是我能撑过那场戏的唯一办法。
By the time the filming of the movie was over, I was so emotionally distraught that I had to distance myself during the postproduction.
等到影片拍摄阶段结束时,我的情绪已经太糟,于是并没有太多参与后期制作。
When Harvey saw the cut film, he said it was not good enough for a theatrical release and that he would send it straight to video.
哈维看完剪好的电影后,说它不够好,不能在影院上映,他要把它直接做成录像发行。
This time Julie had to fight him without me and got him to agree to release the film in one movie theater in New York if we tested it to an audience and we scored at least an 80.
这一次,朱莉不得不独自跟他抗争,让他同意,如果我们试映得到80分以上,就可以在纽约的一家影院放映。
Less than 10 percent of films achieve that score on a first screening.
只有不到10%的电影在首次放映时能达到这个分数。
I didn’t go to the test. I anxiously awaited to receive the news. The film scored 85.
我没去参加试映。我焦急地等待结果。影片得了85分。
And again, I heard Harvey raged. In the lobby of a theater after the screening, he screamed at Julie. He balled up one of the scorecards and threw it at her. It bounced off her nose. Her partner, the film’s composer Elliot Goldenthal, stepped in, and Harvey physically threatened him.
我听说哈维再次勃然大怒。试映结束后,他在影院的大堂里对着朱莉怒吼。他把一张记分卡揉成球,扔在她脸上。纸团打中她的鼻子弹开。朱莉的男友、这部电影的编曲艾略特·戈尔登塔尔(Elliot Goldenthal)挡在她身前,哈维对他进行了暴力威胁。
Once he calmed down, I found the strength to call Harvey to ask him also to open the movie in a theater in Los Angeles, which made a total of two theaters. And without much ado, he gave me that. I have to say sometimes he was kind, fun and witty — and that was part of the problem: You just never knew which Harvey you were going to get.
哈维平静下来以后,我鼓起勇气给他打了电话,要求他在洛杉矶的一家影院里也放映这部电影,这样加起来总共两家。他没太刁难就同意了。我不得不说,他有时友好、风趣、机智——但问题是:你永远不知道他什么时候什么样。
Months later, in October 2002, this film, about my hero and inspiration — this Mexican artist who never truly got acknowledged in her time with her limp and her unibrow, this film that Harvey never wanted to do, gave him a box office success that no one could have predicted, and despite his lack of support, added six Academy Award nominations to his collection, including best actress.
几个月后,到了2002年10月,这部关于我的英雄和灵感之源的电影——这位有着一字眉和瘸腿的墨西哥艺术家在世时从未真正获得认可——这部哈维从未真正想拍的电影,让他获得了无人料及的票房成功,尽管没有得到他的支持,影片还是让他收获了六项奥斯卡提名,包括最佳女演员奖提名。
Even though “Frida” eventually won him two Oscars, I still didn’t see any joy. He never offered me a starring role in a movie again. The films that I was obliged to do under my original deal with Miramax were all minor supporting roles.
《弗里达》最终让他赢得了两项奥斯卡奖,但我始终没有看到任何快乐。他再也没让我主演过电影。根据我和米拉麦克斯公司最初的协议,我在那些不得不参演的电影中都是演些次要的配角。
Years later, when I ran into him at an event, he pulled me aside and told me he had stopped smoking and he had had a heart attack. He said he’d fallen in love and married Georgina Chapman, and that he was a changed man. Finally, he said to me: “You did well with ‘Frida’; we did a beautiful movie.”
多年以后,我在一次活动中碰见了他,他把我拉到一边,跟我说他戒烟了,犯过一次心脏病。他说他恋爱了,娶了乔治娜·查普曼(Georgina Chapman),还说他跟以前不一样了。最后,他对我说:“你在《弗里达》中的表演很好;我们拍了一部很好看的电影。”
I believed him. Harvey would never know how much those words meant to me. He also would never know how much he hurt me. I never showed Harvey how terrified I was of him. When I saw him socially, I’d smile and try to remember the good things about him, telling myself that I went to war and I won.
我相信他的话。哈维永远不会知道,这些话对我有多重要。他也永远不会知道,他对我的伤害有多深。我从未让他看出,他让我感到多么恐惧。在社交场合看到他时,我会微笑,努力想着他的优点,对自己说,我在作战,我赢了。
But why do so many of us, as female artists, have to go to war to tell our stories when we have so much to offer? Why do we have to fight tooth and nail to maintain our dignity?
但是,为什么这么多女性艺术家这么有才华,却必须通过作战才能讲述我们的故事呢?为什么我们必须拼命抵抗才能维护自己的尊严呢?
I think it is because we, as women, have been devalued artistically to an indecent state, to the point where the film industry stopped making an effort to find out what female audiences wanted to see and what stories we wanted to tell.
我认为,这是因为作为女性,我们在艺术上被贬低到了不堪的地步,电影业不再努力去弄清女性观众想看什么,女性想讲什么故事。
According to a recent study, between 2007 and 2016, only 4 percent of directors were female and 80 percent of those got the chance to make only one film. In 2016, another study found, only 27 percent of words spoken in the biggest movies were spoken by women. And people wonder why you didn’t hear our voices sooner. I think the statistics are self-explanatory — our voices are not welcome.
前不久的一项研究显示,从2007年到2016年,只有4%的导演是女性,而且她们中80%的人只得到了拍一部电影的机会。另一项研究发现,2016年,大片中的台词只有27%是女性说的。人们想知道,为什么没有早点听到我们的声音。我想,这些统计数据说明了一切——我们的声音不受欢迎。
Until there is equality in our industry, with men and women having the same value in every aspect of it, our community will continue to be a fertile ground for predators.
除非我们的行业实现男女平等——男性和女性在所有方面都有同样的价值——我们的社区将继续成为性掠夺者的乐园。
I am grateful for everyone who is listening to our experiences. I hope that adding my voice to the chorus of those who are finally speaking out will shed light on why it is so difficult, and why so many of us have waited so long. Men sexually harassed because they could. Women are talking today because, in this new era, we finally can.
我感谢每一个聆听我们经历的人。我希望,通过把自己的声音加入那些最终发声的人的合唱中,将会有助于弄清,为什么这么难,为什么我们这么多人等了这么久。男人之所以性骚扰,是因为他们可以。女性直到今天才发声,是因为在这个新时代,我们终于能够发声。